JohnFMurray.com

‘Tis the season of giving, and Woods could use a hearty dose of forgiveness.

It’s not to condone the litany of mistakes he made. Not a chance.

But he didn’t kill anyone, did he?

E-mail jokes, “Saturday Night Live” skits and ongoing cocktail waitress revelations surely can’t compare to the inner torture he’s facing from the revelation of his double life.

No yacht named “Privacy” or banged-up Escalade or private jet could take him to a corner of the world that would provide him a safe haven from his demons that have been exposed.

Woods is a billion-dollar athlete, but money can’t buy his happiness.

He’s surely living in a very dark place.

He is in danger of losing his family and would have no one to blame but himself. He’s soiled his reputation and legacy. He’s losing sponsors. He might never be the same golfer.

He seems like a robot, but he’s not.

Woods finally admitted “infidelity” on his Web site Friday and said he was taking a break from golf.

“I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness,” he wrote. “It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.”

Woods is asking for your forgiveness.

We forgave Michael Vick for running the Bad Newz Kennels in which innocent dogs were murdered, some by his own hands. The Eagles quarterback was applauded when he ran into the end zone for a touchdown on Sunday.

We forgave the Texas Rangers’ Josh Hamilton, who was ruled by drugs, alcohol and women. Once sober and with his career back on track, he became a wonderful comeback story. He hit home run after home run in the Major League Baseball All-Star home run derby in 2008. That he did drugs didn’t matter anymore.

We cheer for Kobe Bryant and have forgiven him after his infidelity. The woman alleged rape, but the charge later was dropped.

Doesn’t Woods deserve our forgiveness, too?

“A lot of how we might forgive him as individuals differs greatly as how we’ll view him as a role model for society,” said Dr. John F. Murray, a sports psychologist. “Those are two separate issues. We don’t forgive someone in that he’ll be the same role model as before, but you can forgive him on a human level and realize even great presidents had multiple affairs.

“In some ways, it’s very shocking to us. In other ways, it’s the same old same old.”

Woods isn’t perfect. He’s far from it.

We realize such as the parade of women who allegedly had affairs with him continues to grow. There’s so many we’ve numbered them. No. 14 is a 48-year-old fitness instructor from Florida.

Whether it was one or 100 doesn’t matter. His behavior was unacceptable with his first affair.

It’s so bad that Jamie Jungers, one of his alleged mistresses, claimed she was with Woods the night his father, Earl, passed away.

Who trumpets that as though it’s some badge of honor?

Let’s forgive him and hope he emerges a man who has atoned for his mistakes and does more good with his money and power. He’s done many charitable endeavors, especially with the Tiger Woods Foundation, but maybe he can do more.

Golf fan Nick Weiss, a 27-year-old who lives in Santa Monica, doesn’t condone what Woods did but he’s willing to forgive him.

“Everyone, including me, thought he was superhuman – a machine,” Weiss said. “He preached moral values and family and always put on a show. He was clearly hypocritical. He got a little crazy, and I lost respect for him.

“Everyone has demons in their closet. Unfortunately for him, he’s in the public eye. He made numerous mistakes, just like A-Rod and God knows how many other athletes. I forgive him. I want to see him back on the tour.”

Murray doesn’t believe Woods’ image ever will be the same, but he believes forgiveness is possible.

“He wasn’t accused of raping anybody,” Murray said. “It was immoral, but it wasn’t illegal. More than anything, I think it’s the shock of the fall. He was on this incredibly high platform and he’s obviously fallen from it. He is probably under enormous amounts of stress and so are his wife and everyone involved with him.

“Let’s have a little compassion.”

We can’t pretend we’ll forget.

But we can forgive.

For example, high priorities include having a well thought out pre-shot strategy, selecting the right club, recovering from an errant shot, and staying calm and focused in the most stress-inducing situations. It’s much like playing chess, but a whole lot more fun and better for the body! Mental factors are also essential in developing physical tools for the game (e.g., efficient swings, proper footwork, fitness), for without quality instruction and knowledge, progress can be very difficult. Unlike in some other sports, sheer athletic ability and brute strength play a less prominent role. What is really needed in golf is more advanced software. Enter imagery.

Imagery, also called visualization, was described by Vealey and Walter (1993) as a mental technique that programs the human mind to respond as programmed, by using all the senses to recreate or create an experience. Mahoney (1977) described imagery as one of four categories of cognitive skills important in athletic performance, and Suinn (1984) developed a popular version of imagery called visual motor behavior rehearsal (VMBR). Whenever we imagine ourselves performing an action in the absence of physical practice, we are said to be using imagery. Although research into the merits of imagery lags far behind the practice of the technique, many golfers find imagery helpful. It is used for rehearsing new skills, practicing and refining existing skills, preparing for particular situations and readying for an entire round. Studies have shown imagery to be helpful in a variety of ways such as reducing warm-up decrement, lowering anxiety, and increasing self-confidence.

How is this technique implemented? First, it should be recognized that, like any skill, practice is necessary. Most golfers spend enormous time and energy improving their swings and other physical skills, while neglecting mental practice. Ask yourself what percentage of your practice time is spent hitting balls versus developing essential mental skills through techniques such as imagery. You may discover that you are ignoring this crucial part of your game. Jack Nicklaus was a firm believer in imagery. Are you even spending 10% of your practice time using mental techniques?

One note of caution, imagery may hurt your game if your understanding of strategy and/or technique is deficient. In fact, you’ll just reinforce bad habits. Before getting started, make sure your knowledge and basic skills are intact. If you are a professional or advanced golfer, this should pose few difficulties. Beginners and intermediates should schedule regular lessons with their local professional to monitor their progress.

Imagery can be practiced by lying down in a quiet room, fully relaxed, with eyes closed. This longer version lasts anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour. It is often used prior to a match and helps prepare the player mentally. Here, the player rehearses a perfect performance, often visualizing a complete match point by point. A shorter version of imagery, lasting only a few seconds, can be used during match play. For example, prior to serving, the player visualizes a perfect serve to a strategical location. Imagery is also useful to familiarize the player with high percentage shot sequences, developing anticipation skills for a quicker and more effective response during the actual point.

Some individuals have a more natural ability to form visual images than others. Here are some tips for those with difficulty forming images:

(1) Try thinking in pictures rather than words

(2) Look at pictures or videos prior to using imagery

(3) Stay in a quiet, relaxed and calm environment to avoid distractions

Here are some general principles to enhance imagery:

(1) Make the imagery seem as realistic as possible by including all senses, in full color and detail, within a similar emotional context

(2) Practice imagery regularly as it may take months before seeing improvement

(3) Believe that imagery works, as your attitudes and expectations enhance the effect

(4) Keep a focused yet relaxed attention while using imagery

(5) Internal imagery is most effective. Picture yourself actually accomplishing the feat (from your minds eye), rather than viewing yourself from the outside looking in.

(6) Only imagine perfection. This will boost your self- confidence and reinforce good habits.

In closing, imagery is a potent mental technique that will raise the level of your game if your basic skills and understanding of golf are solid. Just don’t let your opponents know what you’re thinking!

You take a quick peek behind to see how many people are watching and waiting to tee off after you, and hope this first drives finds some part of the fairway and -

Stop – you’re doing it all wrong.

Welcome to the Brain Game, the frequently frustrating facet of the game that happens between your ears and often does more harm than good. It’s that evil little inner voice that can sap you of enthusiasm, energy and confidence.

The Brain Game is the reason sports psychology continues to gain popularity, particularly for golfers and tennis players.

“In golf, there’s a lot of time to think, and it’s very difficult to fight fear or to try to be perfect, and people get in their own way,” said Lynda L. Cunjak, a psychologist and sport coach with an office in Highland Park. “You have to be able to train your mind as well as your body.”

You can train your mind, but like the game itself, it takes time and practice.

“Golf is the ultimate stress sport. In golf there’s not too many things to do, but there’s too much time to think about it,” said Robert Gilbert, an associate professor at Montclair State’s department of exercise and physical science education who teaches courses in sports psychology.

“The whole secret of sports psychology is to keep your mind off your mind.” It’s about fun and focus

Suggestions from John F. Murray, a clinical and sports performance psychologist in Palm Beach, Fla., whose clientele includes many golfers:

1. “Remember it’s fun, so have fun. Having fun in itself will take care of so many mental blocks. It erases so many problems.”

2. “Keep your focus on the moment. Don’t let your mind wander. Keep it in the present. Golf is only one shot. Even though you may shoot 72 shots if you are a scratch golfer, it’s really only one shot. It’s one shot repeated 72 times.”

PRE-COURSE PREPARATION: The Brain Game begins several hours, or even days, before you arrive at the course. It starts with your focus and commitment to avoiding the emotional highs and lows that come during a round.

“You can decide days before you play what is the perfect mental state to have,” said John F. Murray, a licensed clinical and sports performance psychologist in West Palm Beach, Fla., whose list of clients include many mini-tour golfers. “And you don’t let the moment or the disappointment or the excitement in any way, shape or form disrupt the process that you decided is beneficial to perform.”

The Brain Game also includes lots of positive imagery, before and during the round. Imagine yourself at the first tee hitting a good shot. Imagine a good chip, and a putt that finds the cup. Imagine it and you have a better change of doing it.

“You don’t want to just see it,” Gilbert said. “You want to see it, hear it, feel it, taste it.”

PRE-ROUND PREPARATION: When you arrive at the course, leave your troubles behind. Bad week at work? Problems at home? An unpleasant drive to the course? Forget about all that.

“I hear people say that they just need to clear their mind and get rid of those distractions, those stresses in life,” Murray said.

“You are going to be distracted by negativity and by bad events – those events always are going to be around you. So do you respond like [Green Bay quarterback] Brett Favre did when his father died, or do you respond the opposite way and let it destroy your performance?”

PRE-SWING PREPARATION: When you arrive at the first tee, the focus should be on your pre-swing routine. You must have a pre-swing routine, because it keeps you focused on what’s in front of you, not around you.

“Golf is such a mental sport in a sense that so much of the time is spent preparing for the next shot, so you have to be able to prepare the mind with what I call preshot routines,” Murray said.

“So what you’re doing between shots is just as, if not more, important than the shot, because that’s already an ingrained skill that hopefully you have.”

“Most people think it’s about the mind – it’s about the body,” Gilbert said. “Your acting can change your attitudes, your motions can change your emotions and your movements can change your moods.”

BATTLING ADVERSITY: Be prepared to work through adversity. Don’t let an errant shot or a bad hole destroy the round.

“Just like in life, everybody has a terrible day, and you have a choice,” Cunjak said. “You can either continue to obsess about the terrible hole, or you can say, ‘OK, I [goofed], but I have eight more holes to go and I’d really like to have a good time.’Ÿ”

IT TAKES TIME: Mastering the Brain Game takes time. A lot longer than 18 holes. It could take months.

“I don’t think there are any quick fixes out there – that’s a mistake,” Murray said. “If you look at a graph of an arrow going upward, which indicates success, there are many, many faults or failures along the way. But over time, you do improve. So you don’t want to get caught up in the short-term approach to that.”

“Mastering your thinking is not that difficult,” Cunjak said. “It has to be cultivated like any other skill. And if you’re motivated, you’ll do it.”